The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
