Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
