Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
