so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
