Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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