I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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