i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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