It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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