He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
