6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
