y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
