why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's great music for shaving your balls
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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