they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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