Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
