the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
