I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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