i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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