He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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