my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
