I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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