i just had sex bonerless
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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