it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
