oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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