He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
