I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
