Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
