My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
