Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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