it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
