he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
