i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
