That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
