I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
