She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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