guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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