Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
