It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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