I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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