her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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