I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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