Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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