so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You made out with two different species that night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
