Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
