I wanna bring you to show and tell
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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