I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
