I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
