i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
