You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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