honey bunches of taint.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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