think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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