i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize