He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
