Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
