So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
